What Can Keep Me Holding On?
by Irish-German-Wood-Nymph
Summary: Blaine Anderson paints a smile on his face day by day hiding the fact that he has a hidden past and untold secrets. Can a new transfer Kurt, with a story of his own be what they both need to keep on holding on? sucky summary Klaine rated M for later chaps
1. Painted Smiles Hidden Secrets

_A/N: This story What Can Keep Me Holding On?  is my first ever multi-chapter Klaine related fan fiction. I do apologize that the first chapter is short but as it progresses I promise that the chapters will get longer than this. Also considering the content that will appear in this fiction(content in which I am not going to release at this time :P) I am going to leave this story at the rating of "M" even though the first few chapters of this story do not have the content in which I speak of, it will sooner or later progress into this content that I have warned about so early in the game ;)_

_Also this is what I guess to be an AU fiction. For the most part this is NOT based off of the TV shows plot; some things may appear to be similar but mostly this is my own spin off, my own creative twist of my world that is Klaine. _

_I wanted people to read something different than what you normally may read when you read these fictions. I really, really hope that I don't let any of you down. I have been working really hard on this and I am sort of really excited about this. _

_I really didn't want this authors note to be this long, I apologize. Enjoy. _

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><p><span>What Can Keep Me Holding On?<span>

_Chapter 1: __Painted Smiles Hidden Secrets_

Blaine Anderson is the one boy every girl wants, and the only boy every guy wants to be.  
>He is<em> rich.<em>  
>He is <em>talented<em>.  
>He is <em>good looking<em>.

He is a person that if you look at him you would think he he has everything in the world but in reality he has nothing at all.

He is a boy who has his well share of untold secrets hidden behind a smile that is always camouflaged on his face.  
>A smile that falters the moment people turn their backs.<p>

To everyone else Blaine Anderson is a happy straight edge student at Dalton Academy. He is the lead warbler and every girls heart throb, even with the simple fact that he is openly gay..the girls still swoon each time they show up for a Warbler performance..  
>He is top of the class, and always gets good grades without even trying.<br>Teachers love him, and every person who claims to be his friend would say he is the happiest person in the world.

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><p><em>"If only my life was that peachy." <em>Blaine thought to himself, fighting a sigh as he straightened the acquired Dalton Academy tie around his neck all while looking himself over in his mirror.

In the mirror the reflection he sees isn't him. He doesn't have to much time to dwell on that fact because by the time the tie was put into place around his neck a knock came from the door, a voice following soon after. Wes's voice.

"Yo man, I know you don't like interruptions while you are getting ready but Warbler meeting in five minutes. It's important so hurry up!"

"Alright, I'm coming." Blaine replied, opening the door to face the one person he could at least call a friend, no matter how much he got under his skin he is really a good guy.

But even as good of a guy like Wes couldn't see Blaine's true insecurities.

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><p>To the untrained eye Blaine Anderson seems to be all together and in control. <em>The highly confident<em> Blaine Anderson, _the straight A_ Blaine Anderson, the Blaine Anderson that everyone _looked up to_ and _admired_.

But the Blaine Anderson that is set forth upon them every day is just a _lost fragile little boy_, a little boy that is _trapped_. Trapped in the _past_ and _lurking_ in the present and _dreading_ for the future.

He is Blaine Anderson who everyone always relies on, but has no one in which he can rely on in a time of need.

He is the Blaine Anderson who keeps his feelings to himself knowing no one around him really cares.

To Blaine Anderson he is just, Blaine Anderson, _a lost soul_, _a lost cause_.

To Blaine Anderson the person everyone else sees him as is a complete stranger, a figment to their clouded imagination, an imagination in which he has to feed.

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><p>"So what is this <em>IMPORTANT <em>Warblers meeting about?" Blaine says with that painted on smile, which made Wes's lips quirk up into a familiar smirk.

"Well I guess you just have to wait and find out?" he stated pursing his lips. Blaine knows that voice. That 'your not going to regret it when we get there voice.

The two wandered down the corridors of the halls and there was silence between them; not an awkward silence but the type of silence that felt just right.

When they got into the senior commons where the Warblers hold their meetings they happened to be the last ones there.

Blaine just stood there awkwardly as Wes took his seat with the other two councilmen.

"I'd like to thank you for digging up Blaine for us Wes, we couldn't of held this meeting without him."

"I'm sorry," Blaine stated walking up to the councilman table after Wes gave Thad a nod.

"I was just getting ready but what exactly is this meeting being held for, the Warblers don't usually meet up until after classes."

"Well." Wes stated straightening in his seat.

"This meeting is a special meeting and we have an important favor to ask of you Blaine."

"What is this favor may I ask?" Blaine questioned quirking his eyebrow in confusion.

"There is a new student here, and Warbler." Wes answered pursing his lips again as the two people beside him snickered.

"Kurt is his name. Kurt please stand up and show yourself. If Blaine is up to it he will be the person showing you around the school making sure you make it to all of your classes as well as finding out your room assignments. Blaine is a trustworthy all around nice guy, I'm sure you and him will be suitable for each other. He will make a very good mentor towards you" and from the corner of his eye Blaine could see a slightly taller male make his way from the corner and up to the front of the councilman's table beside Blaine himself.

Putting on one of his best fake smiles Blaine started turning towards the male beside him only to have his fake ass smile turn into a full out real smile. The person beside him was glowing, happy...his blue eyes full of excitement and wonder.

"Hello there Kurt. I'm Blaine as you already know. Welcome to Dalton, I really hope the changes aren't to troubling for you!"

Kurt's face started flushing a little bit, his white cheeks turning a soft rosy color and Blaine couldn't help but to smile a little bit more from Kurt's obviously shy personality.

"O-oh it's not that troubling.. I am sure I can defiantly get used to all of this." his voice was warm, true as his eyes wandered around the room before settling back on Blaine.

"Blaine we never got an answer from you. Would you care if you-"

"Yeah, yeah. It's fine." he interrupted in a rush , before glancing back at Kurt.

"So which school did you transfer from?" Blaine questioned soon after.

"McKinley." Kurt answered and Blaine's mind blanked out for a second...

_McKinley... McKinley, where did I hear that schools name before...?_

"Oh!" Blaine almost shouted...

"Aren't yous the school that is competing with us at Regionals?"

Kurt just nodded.

"Are you sure your not a spy?" Blaine joked, and Kurt's face paled and an expression of hurt crossed his features.

"Absolutely not!" he shot back making a few people in the room jump.

"It was just a joke new kid, relax." Blaine actually laughed a genuine laugh; and then the bell rang singling it was time to started heading to class.

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><p>So! I am proud to say that was the very first chapter to <em>"What Can Keep Me Holding On?" <em>again different than most of the Klaine fictions, ones that I have read at least. It was also different for me as a writer. Angst isn't really in my comfort zone so it was even a challenge on my part.

I really hope all of you enjoyed it. I will work on posting the next chapter really soon. Please leave feedback telling me what you think, that would be greatly appreciated.

xoxo

Lauren


	2. Keep Out of My Life of Misery

_A/N: I really want to start making these a little bit shorter so most of my author notes will probably be on the bottom but anyways here is the next chapter to What Can Keep Me Holding On? I really hope you all enjoy it. _

_I do not own any of the characters mentioned. All rights of the characters go to Glee, Fox etc; _

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><p><em>What Can Keep Me Holding On?<em>

_Chapter 2: Keep Out of My Life of Misery_

As the bell rang the remaining members of the Warblers started to pile out of the room leaving Blaine and a still blushing Kurt alone.

"So?" Kurt questioned hesitantly, he couldn't help but to be nervous. Everything about this school is so new, exciting and foreign but in the back of his mind, picking away at him... was a twinge of guilt.  
>He shouldn't be happy.<br>He felt guilty.

He couldn't help but to think that he abandoned his friends and his family; left them for his own selfish needs. He feels he shouldn't be happy coming to this school although he wanted nothing more then to get as far away from McKinley High School as humanly possible and far away from the person who hurt him the most. The one person who stole something meaningful too him, and that one person who has made his life a living hell since they first started High School. That person being one person, and that person is the one and the only pain in the ass named David Krofsky.

Coming to this school could be his big break. He could be whoever he wanted to be and not be judged. He can be a part of something. Feel safe. Feel wanted. Kurt hasn't wanted anything more other than wanting to be in a place where he was truly accepted, and he knows he will be here.

He didn't want to live his life in fear, wondering when was the next slushy going to be thrown in his face... or which locker will he be shoved into next; or wondering if that Neanderthal really did mean it when he said he was going to kill him.

That is why he nearly wanted to drop out of school. That is why he fell to sleep rocking himself through his tears. That is why every time he was in Glee club he couldn't even paint a smile onto his face.

That is why his parents not knowing what to do sent him here.

Zero tolerance bullying policy, exactly what he needed, but that is not exactly how it feels.

That feeling that he let down his parents and everyone around him lurked behind him ever since Carole and his dad signed those papers.

Kurt was so deep into his thoughts and Blaine couldn't help but to notice that the once excited twinkle in his eyes died as Kurt started blankly off into space.

Kurt's expression looked pained, and Kurt did not even notice Blaine calling his name.

"Hey Kurt?" Blaine's soft voice sounded worried as his fingers curled around Kurt's shoulder.  
>"Are you okay, do you maybe want to sit down?"<p>

Kurt blinked a few times, his eyes finally focusing on the male next to him.

"No-no." Kurt cleared his throat.  
>"I was just thinking."<p>

"I find that really hard to believe." Blaine said simply, still not letting go of Kurt's shoulder.  
>"You look scared half to death, are you sure you are okay. I can find your room and you can stay there; I can worn your teachers that you are not coming if you are that nervous."<p>

Kurt stared at the floor for a few moments, just as the late bell rang and he glanced back up at Blaine.  
>"Thank you for caring, but I'm-uhh..I'll be fine; but here." Kurt stated simply handing Blaine his schedule.<p>

"Can you show me to my class?" and Blaine just nodded.  
>"Yeah, sure... That's already a done deal remember." he added with a wink which made Kurt's cheeks flush again. Rolling his eyes a smirk spread across Blaine's lips as he grabbed Kurt's wrist tugging him out of the senior commons room.<br>"Come on new kid I know a short cut."

The halls to the school were completely empty and the only thing that could be heard were Blaine and Kurt's rushing foot steps as they made their ways past the corridors and into the schools main halls.

"Your first class,French. I will be back to walk to your second period class then Kurt. Jusqu'à la prochaine fois que nous rencontrons " Blaine stated, standing in front of one of the many mahogany doors, one that happened to read 115. Kurt flushed, for a moment before a smile crept onto his face.

"Thank you." he said softly, nothing more nothing less, as he stared blankly at the floor waiting for Blaine to let go of his wrist...so he could go into his class and escape the churning happy feeling he received just from Blaine speaking french, and humoring him.

Blaine held onto Kurt's wrist for a few seconds longer debating on kissing the white skin of his knuckles, but quickly decided against it, settling for a quick little smile before walking ahead of him into the class, and confronting the teacher, still speaking fluent french. Kurt knew his french, it was his favorite language. Blaine quickly explained why Kurt was late and just as quickly turned back around...giving Kurt a small wave before leaving the French room and headed to his own class.

As Blaine walked out the door he sighed shaking his head.  
><em>What the hell is wrong with you Anderson.<em> he nearly shouted at himself.  
><em>You are so stupid. You probably weirded the kid out. Just go back to your sulk filled life, and keep himout of it. He doesn't deserve to be drug into your shit filled life, just get him through the week... and disappear out of his life. It's for the best.<em>

Why does Blaine feel that it's going to be harder then what it seems? Letting his painted smile falter, Blaine made his way up the stair case towards the class he was seriously late to.

_Of course they won't be mad though. I am Blaine Anderson... every teachers favorite, kind of comes to the territory when "Dalton" is your mothers maiden name, and her family being the owners of the high class, high priss school. Of course I would be able to slide from everything..._

Rolling his eyes Blaine slipped into the classroom, painting that smile back on his face...and took his seat, unnoticed...as he suspected.

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><p><em>AN: For those of you who were reading this on my deviant art I decided to post this back on here, I want to start to be more active on this site. But usually when I post something it automatically goes on my deviant art first. So if you like my stories and happen to have a deviant art then just watch me on there because I usually get to posting there first. __For my deviant art just go here: .deviantart If you don't have a deviant art the stories will be posted on here anyways._

_Also since I'm posting sites if you should have a Tumblr you should follow me on there too :D_

_.com/_


	3. How Can You

_A/N: this chapter is longer then any of the chapters I have made so far for this story and it goes a little more deeper into the plot that I have to give._

_Again this a little more twisted then the TV series, I wanted to make something different that you guys never read and I really hope I have succeed in doing so._

_I sincerely hope you all enjoy. _

_I do not own any of the characters mentioned above. If I did, there would be a Klaine Sex Riot in every episode, annnnnd there would be AVPM and AVPS references galore. _

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><p><em>What Can Keep Me Holding On?<em>

_Chapter 3: How Can You Kill Something That Is Already Dead?_

After a half hour of mindlessly speaking French the bell let out the sound and the sound of impatient students echoed and carried down every hall.

Putting the books that his teacher gave him the first few seconds after entering his class room, carelessly into his bag. Kurt then shuffled clumsily onto his feet, grabbing his messenger bag and walking aimlessly out of the class room letting out a sigh of relief.

What he seemed to be the master of back in McKinley is like a second tongue to those that come to Dalton, not to say that Kurt was surprised or anything, it was just that everybody here at Dalton was good at everything; he just thinks that will be really hard to compete with.

As Kurt waited outside of his French class, he watched as the other males greeted each other, laughing...and carrying on, shoving each other and giving each other pats on their backs all while they were in their scurry to make it to class on time. Seeing them all laugh, talk, and carry on like that just reminds Kurt of how similar they all really are. He knows that deep down that money doesn't mean everything, that it doesn't change a thing...but what Kurt does not know that in some cases money really does; it could change those that should be closest to you inside out and it could turn the very person you happen to be into an emotionless pit.

Still standing by the door of 115 Kurt just watched as Blaine appeared in the hall way, walking effortlessly through the sea of people, that just seemed to part at the sight of him; a lot like how the trolls at McKinley would of parted for Quinn and Finn, before they plummeted to the bottom of the school food chain with the rest of The New Directions group.

Kurt couldn't think about his friends for to long, Blaine would end up sensing his distress and ask him if he wants to go back to his room for the day; and Kurt refuses to chicken out and cry in his room all day, he wouldn't do that.

But when Blaine was finally face to face with him, it wasn't Blaine to sense distress from him, but him sensing distress from Blaine.

The smile that slowly spread onto his lips wasn't the same genuine smile that nearly turned him to a puddle of goop like when they first met just that morning, and Blaine's eyes were glazed over almost as if he were deep into thought; something about it really troubled Kurt.

"A-are you okay?" Kurt questioned taking a step closer to Blaine, who just stepped back...his face faltering for just a moment but no sooner then it faltered a smile went back onto his face as he took a step closer to Kurt; his eyes focusing on everything besides Kurt.

"I don't know what you are talking about." he stated simply, shrugging his bag onto his shoulder more.

"Tell me your next class. I doubt you want to be late to class again." and that is one thing they both can agree on. There is nothing that Kurt can't stand more then being the last one to class, and having everyone just stare at you. He has been going through that most of the day just by walking down the hall. Kurt reached inside his messenger bag for his schedule and handed it off to Blaine.

"You should just keep it." Kurt shrugged. It would be better use to Blaine because he actually knows where all the rooms are in the huge ass school; he could just learn where they are in the meantime.

Blaine nodded, glancing down at the piece of paper that is Kurt's schedule and began to turn around motioning Kurt to follow and once again Kurt could feel peoples eyes on him and he couldn't help but to feel just a bit self conscious.

"Yous don't get new students all that much?" Kurt's voice came out as a whisper, but the question was still there and Blaine couldn't help but to laugh, as much as he didn't even want to; and no sooner then the laugh graced off his lips he stopped remembering his own promise; and he was going to keep his word. He wouldn't... he couldn't allow himself to get close to Kurt; or vice versa it wouldn't be good for either of them.

"No we don't." Blaine said simply, answering Kurt's question.  
>"Not many people can afford submission into this school. So this is a real treat for them I guess. " he continued on with his explanation and Kurt couldn't help but to notice that the other males voice was dull, and blank. Again, nothing like when they first met.<p>

Was Kurt just imaging all of it before? The warmth of that smile, his voice, and just the happy glint in his eyes that just made Kurt's inside flutter with pure joy? There was no way that Kurt could ever imagine such beautiful and divine things. But one thing Kurt knows for sure he isn't imagining is the awkwardness that lingered between them at this very moment.

_I just don't understand._Kurt thought to himself stringing along beside Blaine. His eyes to the floor. Words to himself, and thoughts just bubbling through his head wanting to be answered because he just doesn't understand.

_We were fine all this morning, why does he seem all stand offish and distant now? Does anyone else notice or do people not see his facades as easily as me?_

Even the distance between them was unbearable, just a period ago the other male was seriously dragging Kurt by his wrist. Kurt just couldn't tear his worried eyes off of the boy that was just a few paces ahead of him they were heading up the long staircase of the school towards his second period class. It was only second period and Kurt only knew that this is the beginning of what is going to be a very very long day.

While Kurt's eyes stayed on Blaine's back, Blaine's eyes were kept straight ahead he could feel Kurt's eyes boaring through his shoulders but he didn't dare to look back. He didn't dare to look back into those worried blue eyes; the only pair of eyes that actually seen through his daily act, his facade...and that scared Blaine.

That scared Blaine more then anything, and somehow Blaine thinks it's almost to late;to late to back out of this. To late to pretend none of this ever happened. To late to NOT let himself get attached to someone, a someone he barley even knows. It was to late, and... Blaine knows that.

_But you have to stay true to your word._the voice in his head practically screamed at him and Blaine knew he was going to do exactly that, no matter how much it would probably kill him.

_But how can you kill something that is already dead?  
>And how can something dead possibly feel?<br>_

Blaine stopped dead in his tracks abruptly blinking away the tears that were threatening to surface. Kurt who was following diligently from behind walked straight into his back, unaware, letting out a surprised little squeak.

"I am so sorry Blaine. Is this my class? I'm sorry.. I'm sorry I just wanted paying attention. I didn't mean to run into you." Kurt gasped out. His bright blue eyes were wide, and for the first time since they left the French room Blaine turned around to face Kurt.

"You have nothing to apologize about." his answer was short, and he didn't meet Kurt's eyes.  
>"This isn't your class, I just zoned out for a minute. Your class is two doors down." he directed pointing his finger down the hall.<p>

"I'll be here when your period ends to show you to the next class." and with that blunt statement he walked past Kurt who was mumbling a "cya later." but Blaine just ignored it, rushing down the stairs as fast as he could towards his next class.

_This is going to be a long fucking day._

And that is exactly what it was, long, frustrating...and exceedingly annoying. The space between Blaine and Kurt expanded and the silence between them was more then transparent and to say the least Kurt was beginning to lose most of his patience, and he was losing it fast.

It was now seventh period, the second to last class of the day. Blaine and Kurt were stalking down the halls, silently, on their way to Kurt's class. Nothing was said between them, not even one glance...but when Kurt accidentally brushed against Blaine's arm, he twitched...and made the space even further. That pissed Kurt off to no end.

"What the hell is your problem?" Kurt questioned now standing in front of Blaine, both hands on his hips, and agitation clear on his face; asking the one question that has been on his mind all day, and there was no chance in hell he was backing down now.

Blaine just stared at him in shock; his big brown eyes wide with fear. A crowd of people formed around them; warblers, students...Kurt doesn't care..he just glared at those around him, then back at Blaine.

"You can go and put your fake smile on around all your little rich friends, but you can't fool me. I knew it all day long that something was wrong. Is everyone here that oblivious, is money clouding their mind so much that they can't even see that their friend is distressed? My arm brushed yours and you flinched, you flinched! Last time I checked I didn't even do anything wrong to you, so seriously...what the fuck! You may have money Blaine, and you may be the most liked person in this school...but I refuse to like or even associate with people that treat me like you are. I left my last school because the way people treated me, and I'd be damned if I'm going to deal with it here." Kurt could feel his eyes beginning to well up, but he refused...he refused to let that boy see him cry.

Blaine looked at him.. seriously looked at him; those brown eyes were hazed again... and he could see pain and hurt stricken across his features and within those eyes. Kurt wanted to feel bad for him he really did, but he couldn't. He wouldn't let himself, not after what he put him through.

Blaine took his eyes off of Kurt and eyed the crowd of gaping people. He opened his mouth as if he was going to say something, but then stormed off...without another word; and everyone around Kurt began to chatter as Kurt stared blankly in the direction Blaine stormed off in until he felt a hand clamp around his shoulder, but he wouldn't look away.

"You shouldn't of done that." the voice said, that made Kurt look over briefly. It was that other kid Wes, one of the councilmen he met earlier. Kurt didn't say anything; he was to angry and upset he couldn't even fluster up words.

"Nobody speaks to Blaine like that, not even me; and I'm his best friend. We aren't oblivious. We know when Blaine is upset, but no one opens their mouth."

"What do you mean no one opens their mouth? If your his best friend your supposed to care." Kurt shot out sharply, a little more sharply then intended.

"I care. Believe me Kurt I care more then most in this school; but it's kind of hard to when your education is on the line. You don't understand Kurt your new, and if I were you I'd probably be worried." Wes, stated simply and Kurt eyed him.

"Worried? Worried about what; detention? Ha- I can deal with that." and Wes simply shook his head.

"Expulsion." he whispered.

"Expulsion?" that made Kurt's heart and mind race. If he gets kicked out all that money his parents used from their honeymoon would be wasted. He couldn't get expelled.

"W-why would I get expelled?" he asked, mouth dry and itchy.

"Blaine's mothers family are the keepers of the school. Dalton is his mothers maiden name; Dalton is the school, and that's _his_family. Most people watch their backs and try to be nice to Blaine as much as possible." Kurt couldn't believe what he was hearing. Sure a few minutes ago he was pissed to no end that Blaine was being a jackass for no reason...but he never knew Blaine had such horrible and indecent friends.

"So let me get this straight." Kurt stated giving Wes an evil glare.  
>"<em>A<em>Blaine's grandparents are the headmasters of the school, and people just "make nice"." Kurt quoted with his fingers, before placing his hands back onto his hips.  
>"With him just so you can keep going to this school. What kind of friends are you?" okay, so maybe Kurt was going a little bit out of control and with the way things were going he probably wouldn't have any friends by the end of the day, but seriously?<p>

Wes looked around guilty and hung his head.

"Don't look at me as if I haven't tried." his voice was pained, and his eyes held the same hurt that Blaine had just moments ago.

"He is my best friend. He seems so happy, but I know truly he really isn't. But he doesn't talk. He stays in his room. He never truly looks happy unless he is singing." he whispered.

"I'm sorry." Kurt stated biting his lip, actually feeling sympathy for Wes.

Wes just shook his head, and looked back up at Kurt.

"I guess since Blaine stormed off I'll show you your last class and get your room assignment from the office."

Kurt nodded his head, and with a pat on the shoulder from Wes they were on their way.

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><p><em>AN: So there was chapter 3. I really hope you all enjoyed it. Those of you who are reading, faving, and reviewing all of those things really mean the world to me. You are all amazing and even though I just started on here I wanted to tell you that I love you all, in a non I'm going to drive up and down your streets in a inconspicuous van and offer you candy type of way. :D_

xxxLauren


	4. Bad Day

**AN: Sorry for the long wait. I really really wanted to update this for all of you, but school has seriously been taking up most of my time lately. But here is the update, and I'm sort of really excited about this one. It's one of my favorites out of this series and I really hope you like it as much as I do.**

**But in other news that isn't apart of this series, let's talk about Glee; not fanfiction glee, but glee-glee. Who is super excited for the season premier on Tuesday. I ended up seeing a list of songs that are going to preformed against my own will; it was on my TUMBLR and I am super psyched right now. I mean, it's amazing; if you already know the song list then you know just how amazing it is. **

**Anyways, this is way longer than what I wanted to be so I'll just let you go and read this :D**

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><p><span>What Can Keep Me Holding On?<span>

_Chapter 4: Bad Day_

So confused, that is how Kurt has been feeling after all the events that had happened just merely within the past few hours of his first day at his new school.

A first day that has been long and unbearable.

But Kurt's long and unbearable day wasn't even close to it's closure and there was already so many thoughts on Kurt's mind as Wes and him both walked in synch down the now almost familiar Dalton Academy halls, through the corridors and towards the room in which he would be spending the rest of his stay at Dalton in.

It was official. Even though his house was so close, he would not be returning home. Sure he is free to leave school grounds on weekends and holidays whenever he wished; it's not a prison. Students were even allowed to wander around town after the days classes. But Kurt was still going to miss his dad and his new family. He was still getting used to that fact that now Carole and Finn were at home, missing and worrying for him; and he wasn't going to lie the two had become very dear to him, just like his father.

As he and Wes continued to walked down the halls his eyes wandered ever so slightly, taking everything in and any other time Kurt would of took time to appreciate how well decorated everything was but another thing that was raking his brain wouldn't let him.

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><p><em>"Kurt honey,hurry up and come up for breakfast so your father can take you to Dalton before he goes to work. You don't want to be late on your first day." Carole, his step-mom called down the stairs for him as he scurried in his basement bedroom packing up his last few things as fast as he could without breaking a sweat. Because breaking a sweat before going to school would just be gross and he doesn't want to clog up his pores so early in the day.<em>

_"Just give me a few minutes." he replied back, pausing for a second in front of his mirror staring at the reflection in front of him. The reflection staring back at him did not seem familiar. He could see a boy who went through a lot of shit through the past few years. Underneath the little bit of make up he has covered up were blue bags underneath his eyes from the long nights of crying himself to sleep thinking his life would never change; and there he stood today in a uniform from a school that had a zero tolerance bullying policy, and yet the boy starin_g

_back at him looked guilty and scared. Guilty of how he got into this uniform, using his parents honeymoon money and scared because it was his first day of school and he was nervous._

_"Hey kid, your breakfast is getting cold" his father, Burt, stated warily. His eyes were red and unlike Kurt the blue bags under his eyes were noticeable which sent another twinge of guilt through Kurt's body, and he felt pathetic. Pathetic that he was doing this to his father._

_Taking another once over in the mirror Burt began to laugh softly._

_"You look fine." he stated from his place by the doorway._  
><em>"In fact I may have to chaperone you during your classes to make sure none of the guys try to make a move on you."<em>

_"Dad!" Kurt's face flushed almost immediately. Burt had been nothing but supportive for Kurt ever since he came out to him just two years ago but talking about things like dating and sex with his father is still an uncomfortable topic for both of them._

_"Just you know." Burt shrugged giving his son a shy smile._  
><em>"Get up there and eat your breakfast, we gotta go."<em>

_"What about my stuff dad?" Kurt glanced around the room and the smile Burt was wearing vanished and he sighed._

_"Uh, yeah...right. Well since you didn't get your room assignment yet just you know call me after you get it and I'll just run it down for you." Kurt could hear the distance and the tears that he was fighting not to escape and Kurt could feel his own welling up._

_"Okay, that would be nice." Kurt smiled sadly._  
><em>"Could you bring Carole and Finn too, I'm sure they would love to see the school, and I just want to see them anyways."<em>

_Burt smiled and Kurt walked up to him out of no where and hugged him. Those arms that had made him feel safe for years wrapped around him and Kurt couldn't fight them anymore more,tears fall on his fathers shoulder and Burt's arms tightened around him._

_"Yeah. Anything for you kid, you know that. Just you no don't cry, your going to make me cry and this is already hard on your old man. Remember this is for your own good, we wouldn't be doing this if we could avoid it. I want you far away from that school, got it." Kurt nodded, wiping the tears away from his face. Burt patted his shoulder and made his way up the stairs, Kurt following straight behind._

* * *

><p>Blinking himself out of his thoughts Kurt once again had to fight the tears that were daring to reach the surface. Not only was he nervous about being away from home for so long, he was nervous about whom he would be staying with; because lets face it is obvious he had probably made a few enemies with his show he had made in the hall earlier that day. But Kurt shook those images away as Wes suddenly stopped at one of the white doors with a golden tag with the numbers 256 engraved into it.<p>

It was the last door in the long narrow hall way. Wes simply stared down at Kurt giving him a shy smile and a look that almost worried Kurt.

Right when Kurt was about to open his mouth to say something Wes just shook his head simply knocking on the door, and turned around disappearing down the hall that they came from leaving Kurt to stand awkwardly in front of it. Alone. There was a distant sound of sniffling beyond the door, and Kurt had to bite his lip as he raised his hand and leaving another knock on the door.

The sniffling stopped almost immediately, and there was a clear of the throat. Whoever was in there sounded like they were having a worst day than Kurt, and Kurt felt for him.

_Who is he,  
>is he okay?<em>Kurt thought to himself getting ready to raise his hand and knock on the door again.

"Wes just go away." a muffled voice broke through the door and Kurt's head whipped up at the sound of the voice, and he knew who it was immediately.

_Are you fucking serious!_Kurt screamed in his head.

"It's not Wes." he answered back, stepping away from the door as he heard shuffling.

_Maybe I should just leave, turn around and go._

"W-hat do you want?" Blaine's voice trembled coming closer now.  
>"How did you find my room?"<p>

"The office." he answered the questions blunt and short, just like Blaine's.  
>"It's my room assignment. You're stuck with me."<p>

From inside of the room Blaine wiped his hands consciously against his eyes debating on whether or not he should open the door. What if Kurt was going to yell at him again? Or laugh at him because he was clearly crying since seventh period. But as if Kurt read his mind his voice rung out softly from behind the door.  
>"Listen. Earlier when I yelled out you, I-I am really sorry if I was out of line. I don't regret it. I don't, honestly. I could care less who's son you are. But my point being is you deserve an apology."<p>

"If you don't care who's son I am then why are you apologizing? Huh? It's not like I ran to my grand parents just to get you kicked out like everyone else thinks I'll do. I appreciate the fake apology, but your education here is safe. You don't need to be another one of my fake friends just to be here." Blaine shot back bitterly.

"Listen here." Kurt said just as bitterly.  
>"You open this door and say whatever you have to say to me to my face. If I say I don't care who's son you are I mean it. I don't judge people; but you wouldn't know that because obviously you are stuck on your own cloud in your own pitiful world in your pitiful life."<p>

That made Blaine angry. Jumping off his bed he rushed towards the door opening it.  
>"You don't know one thing about my life." he screamed not caring about the heads that turned in the direction. His angry brown eyes never left Kurt's now softening blue ones.<p>

The boy standing in front of him was nothing like the Blaine he had met earlier. This Blaine was pale and sickly looking. His well gelled hair was messed up and a few curls fell into his clammy face. To put it bluntly Blaine looked like shit. Something tells Kurt no one has ever seen Blaine like this, and that's what made him even more worried.

"Y-you don't know the least bit about my life either." Kurt stated defensively.

"Will you just uh- let me in." he continued.

"We are sort of making a scene and from what I've learned about you already it doesn't seem like you let people see you like this to often." Blaine's face softened in realization and he simple just nodded, stepping aside from the door and walking back towards his bed.

"You know." Blaine stated simply, looking up at the roof; his voice still emotionless, flat.  
>"I should of known something was going to be going on since they put another bed in this room on Friday."<p>

"You don't have to pretend to be nice to me." Kurt said back, sitting himself on top of the free bed, staring idly around the big room until he remember he had to call his father.

Just as Blaine went to go say something, Kurt put his hand up.

"I just have to make a phone call." he said pulling his phone out and dialing his number.

_"Hey Kurt!"_Burt's voice came through the phone which made Kurt smile warmly. Burt's voice was like home to him.

"Hey dad. I'm done with classes" Kurt's voice was soft and emotional as he laid back on the bed. He could feel Blaine's eyes fall on him but he ignored him.

_Are you really? _Burt sounded shocked, probably because Dalton gets down an hour earlier than classes at McKinley.

"Yeah they are. You should tell Finn that, it should really tick him off that I get out of classes earlier than he does."

_"You can tell him that yourself when we come to drop off your stuff."_Burt laughed, which made Kurt chuckle softly.

"I guess I can. I would really like to see the look on his face anyways."

_"Yeah."_ Burt replied.  
><em>"What is your room number anyways?"<em>

"Room 256, last door in the hall." Kurt stated, running a hand through his hair absently.

_"Alright kid. I'm going to grab your stuff, put it in the car and we'll be on your way."_

"Alright dad. See you soon. Love you, bye." when the phone clicked, ending the call Kurt could hear Blaine take a deep intake of breath.

_What was that about?_ Kurt thought. But his thoughts disappeared just as quick as Blaine got up and rushed into the bathroom slamming the door along with him.

* * *

><p>AN: Well that was it, I will try to update the next chapter really soon. But until then, seriously I am grateful for every single one of views. Thanks so much for all of the favorites and comments. Continue doing that ;) keeps me going haha. 3<p> 


	5. Blood Stained Fears

_AN: I was working my ass off trying to get this chapter done for all of you.  
>I would have to say this is one of the hardest chapters I have ever faced.<br>Yes I planned and wanted something like this to be in the story but for me as a person who has struggled with cutting problems and has attempted to commit suicide it was just a challenge for me to write. My arms itched with every sentence. My eyes stung I had tears writing it. But without further ado here it is._

* * *

><p><em>What Can Keep Me Holding on?<br>_

_Chapter 5:Blood Stained Fears _

The pain filled memories dawned over Blaine as the bathroom door slammed shut behind him, echoing through the large bathroom, like his mind, echoing loudly only to fade suddenly into a stop.

Tears started running freely down pale white cheeks, as his body slumped onto the floor. He just lied there. Doing nothing but fighting.

Fighting every memory that dared to surface the bridge of his mind.

Jealousy just running and pounding through his veins just becoming unbearably to much to even handle. Yes, jealousy. There is nothing that Blaine envied more then a perfect family and Kurt, his family is just fucking picture perfect aren't they? He wants that, he wants that more than anything in the entire world.

He wanted to feel accepted.  
>He wanted to feel whole, and to feel loved.<br>He wanted some one he could look up to and confide in.

But however this happens to be the life has has to be stuck with and he feels so empty, so useless. He doesn't belong here. He was a mistake and he knew it.

_Why am I even here, why do I bother? I have nothing to live for so why should I continue to live._the poor boy thought to himself as he started trembling on the black marble floor. Everything around him slowly started to blur. His memories were taking over and he couldn't do anything but reach for the razor on the side of the bathtub.

* * *

><p><em>His father was hunched over his desk working as usual when Blaine entered his study nervously, staring at the floor, a litter of little brown curls bouncing slightly as the small boy trembled trying to gather up the courage to look up and speak.<em>

_"D-dad c-can I talk to you?" he questioned with his big brown wide eyes, his hands clenched in fists by his side. Controlling his thoughts, controlling his fears, and controlling himself as he waited for his father to reply._

_His father let out a long exasperated sigh, looking up from the papers that are scattered on his desk._

_"What is it Blaine? Can't you see that I am busy?" his fathers voice was sharp as daggers and even a young twelve year old Blaine knows that it is his fathers 'don't even think of bothering me voice.'_

_Bad things always happened when his father used that voice. Blaine doesn't like that voice, a shiver went down his spine as he swallowed his fear and spoke again._

_"I-I just wanted to talk to you about something. Something that I realized but I'm.. I'm just confused."_

_His father stared at him for a few moments before nodding his head and focusing back on his work._  
><em>"What are you confused about?" he asked still staring at the papers as Blaine wandered over to one of his fathers office couches and taking a seat, drawing his knees under his chin. He stayed silent.<em>

_"Well?" he spat grimly._

_Courage Blaine blinked suddenly, his eyes darting to the floor as he took a deep breath._

_"I have just been noticing that in school I-I'm different than the other boys. I like sports yeah. But I still don't seem to fit in. While all the boys go to talk to the girls... I sit back and the guys they all all make fun of me, call me really mean names.. and they hurt me and stuff." he was starting to choke on his words, feeling the tears that were surfacing, he didn't dare to look at his father..._

_"I'm confused because I don't know why they are so mean. I'm confused because I don't know why I'm not like the other boys. I'm confused... because." he trailed off, and the tears started to fall._

_"I'm confused because I don't like girls daddy." the words fell of his lips and the room got eery and silent. Blaine doesn't remember the last time he called his father by daddy and he doesn't know why he called him it now. All he wants is to be reassured.. to be held, to be told it was going to be okay. But there was nothing. It was quite. Nothing but the crackle of the fire could be heard. Blaine gulped._

_"Please say something." Blaine whispered clutching the arm of the couch._

_"Please..."_

_"My son doesn't like girls?" his fathers hands clenched around the pen, his light brown eyes darkening with sudden angry._

_Blaine just sat there idly playing with his fingers._

_"Do you like boys then?" the words tasted vile on his tongue. There was no way that his high class raised son could be a homosexual. He would not allow it._

_"Answer me boy." he demanded harshly._

_"I-I don't know. Please don't yell at me, mother would never yell at me" he cried._  
><em>"You're mother? She never wanted you. She acts like you don't exist, that is why she doesn't yell. Neither of us have ever wanted you." he was now standing shouting at the top of his lungs.<em>

_"You're lying." Blaine's cries grew louder._  
><em>"Mom loves me she loves me more than you could ever love me." wiping his tear stained eyes he got up getting ready to turn towards the door.<em>

_"And to answer your question. Yes, yes I do like boys." he raised his head up high staring dead straight at his father who's eyes got angrier as he took more steps forward. But Blaine continued._  
><em>"I am proud of it." he declared, standing a little bit taller.<em>  
><em>"You CAN'T change that abou-AUGH" he choked, his breath caught short as his father's fingers clenched around his neck, pushing him into the wall.<em>

_"My son will not be a fagot." his face was in Blaine's as the young boy trembled in fear...struggling to get out of the grasp. He was getting light headed, his face deepened in a dark read color. he could not breath, his vision was going fuzzy until he heard his mother entering the room._

_"James Everett Anderson, what the hell is going on here" her lips were in a tight line and Blaine was thankful when his fathers fingers loosened as he turned to face his wife._

_Blaine simply just breathed regaining his breath, watching his mothers eyes flicker from him and his father._

_"This waste of life right here just told me that he's a fagot." he growled, his hand gripping around Blaine's throat slightly. His eyes flickering with disgust, disappointment and anger._

_Blaine closed his eyes, his fingers gripping around his fathers, making him press_

_tighter as a few more tears escaped his eyes... and a gasp escaped from his parted trembling lips._

_His breath was quickly shortening, and he felt himself slipping._

_This time I won't disappoint you dad._

* * *

><p>"Blaine!" a soft murmur came from the locked door, it was confused and it was worried... but it faded as the sharp blade made contact with his wrist.<br>He didn't hiss, he didn't groan.  
>He was used to the pain, used to the sting.<br>He was used to the _feeling_...  
>He could actually feel.<p>

Every memory was a slice into delicate skin.

* * *

><p><em>They were in the car on the way to this Academy his mother always talked about. It was a few days after he was released from his hospital. When he got home his bags were packed. Neither of his parents spoke to him at all. When his mother packed his things in the car and forced him into the front seat as she took the drivers side, he realized that his father would not be coming.<em>

_The ride was silent and Blaine kept his eyes on the floor, as he played with the fabric of his mothers seat covers. He could feel her glancing back at him every now and again and he sighed._

_"M-mom, why am I going to be living at the school?" he asked silently, his voice hoarse from the days of no use._

_Her fingers gripped onto the steering wheel and a tear that Blaine did not notice escaped._

_"You can't live at home anymore." she stated harshly._  
><em>"You aren't welcome home anymore."<em>

_YOU AREN'T WELCOME HOME ANYMORE._

* * *

><p>"Hey uh-Kurt.. I don't mean to be rude but I just really have to use the bathroom." a voice was coming close to the door and Blaine sprung up from his spot on the floor and made his way to the sink.<p>

"Just a minute." he stated as calmly as possible as he washed his wrist off and rolled the sleeve of his uniform shirt down and took in his appearance in the mirror.

Sighing he splashed some water on his face and also managed his hair a little before unlocking the door and stepping into the room which was now filled with three extra people one who was right in front of him, attempting to make his way into the bathroom.

"Oh-" he stated sheepishly.  
>"Kurt who is this?" he turned around to question the boy and the next thing Blaine knew that everyone's eyes in the room were on him.<p>

Putting on one of his best fake smiles he shrugged.

"My name is Blaine, I'm Kurt's room mate and mentor and all of you are?" Kurt stared at him in astonishment.

"Uh.. Blaine? This is my family. That one in front of you, don't mind his stupidity but that's my step brother Finn. And the one that looks like he is about to yell at me is Burt, my father and this is his wife Carole, my step mom."

"You didn't tell me you had a room mate." Burt furrowed his eyebrows.  
>"Is he gay too?"<p>

"Uhhh," Kurt bit his lip.  
>"I really don-"<p>

"Yes." Blaine stated not really wanting to answer, his eyes idly staring at the ground waiting for the worst.

"Well." Burt's face softened a little.  
>"Than I guess that's a good thing." he coughed.<br>"You know to have someone to relate and talk to."

Blaine looked over at Kurt.

"Yeah I guess." he sighed and Burt his father looked at him questioningly.

"Are you okay son?" he asked.

"Dad I'm fine really. It was just a really long day, you know? First days are always the hardest." he smiled at his father and Burt just nodded.

"Alright if you say so kiddo. I guess we will just leave you to rest then."

"It was nice seeing you Kurt." Finn grinned as he walked out of the bathroom.

"Oh GOSH!" Kurt wrinkled his face in disgust.  
>"I sincerely hope you washed your hands". Finn paused, and Carol looked at him with disappointment.<p>

"Finn go wash your hands, and Kurt.. anytime you are feeling home sick don't hesitate to call. We all miss you already."

"I miss you all too." Burt was the first one to give his son a hug... then Carole, after that Finn walked out of the bathroom... they both settled on a fist bump instead of a hug.

"See you around Bro."

"Yeah." Kurt smiled.  
>"See you all around."<p>

With that the small group left once again leaving Blaine and Kurt alone.

Kurt continued to stare at Blaine in disbelief.

"You know if you hate me so much you didn't have to make nice to my family." he stated through grit teeth and Blaine's eyes widened.

"Kurt I don't h-"

"Oh my god! Blaine your arm, it's bleeding... what happened." all the anger that was in Kurt's voice vanished as he rushed to the other boys side.

"Don't touch me." Blaine warned, attempting to back away.

"YOU'RE BLEEDING BLAINE LET ME HELP YOU." Kurt demanded, grabbing his hand, and rolling the sleeve carefully up. Blaine's eyes darted to the floor, and Kurt's mouth gaped open.

"Y-you have been doing this to yourself Blaine?" Blaine wouldn't meet his worried blue eyes. He couldn't. The secret that he has been keeping since he was 12 years old was out. His mouth was dry and he felt like he couldn't speak.

Kurt didn't dwell to long on the fact that Blaine wouldn't answer. Tightening his grip on the other boys hand he took him into the bathroom, washing of his arm quickly and seating him on the toilet before turning off to the front of the bathroom. Looking around in cabinets and cupboards he found what he needed and made his way back to Blaine's side.

"Whatever it is that made you do this... it's not worth it." Kurt whispered unscrewing the cap of peroxide and pouring it on a cloth.

Blaine just grunted still not meeting Kurt's gaze.

"It's going to sting." Blaine attempted to pull his arm away but Kurt's grip just tightened as he dabbed the wet cloth along the long lines of red.

Once again he didn't hiss out in pain, he just stared off in the distance... taking in the pain, taking in the punishment he deserved.

Kurt continued to clean the wounds. Even the dark angry looking ones that must have been old. Neither of them said anything, the silence was eery and when Kurt was done cleaning up the last of the gashes he looked like he was thinking hard about something before grabbing Blaine's hand once again and dragging him to his own bed.

"Are you going to talk about it?" Kurt asked, backing away to sit on his own bed.

For the first time in twenty minutes Blaine's eyes wandered back to Kurt's and a sigh escaped from his lips.

"I would really like not to talk about it." he stated sheepishly.  
>"You really weren't supposed to see those."<p>

Kurt ignored the last part.

"I'm not forcing you to talk about it...but you know like my dad said it's nice to have someone to talk to, let me...mentor you?"

Blaine's face softened and he genuinely felt touched. The most touched he has felt in years. Kurt, the kid he has intentionally been a dick to all day is comforting and telling him to spill.

Could he do it?

Could he trust Kurt?

Could he trust himself to trust Kurt?

"I-it... all started when I was twelve." he whispered and Kurt's nodded simply, standing up from his bed and taking a seat next to Blaine, beside him, like he meant something. Blaine didn't think to much of it as he took another deep breath.

"My family and I were never close. We weren't much of a family. My dad was always on business, and my mom.. I thought she loved me but in the long run I was wrong. But that's not really the bad parts yet." he chuckled dryly and Kurt just smiled sympathetically urging him to continue with his eyes. Those blue eyes.

"Okay. Right." he sighed, running a hand through his tangled curls.

"When I was twelve that is when I first came out to my dad. He never liked me much. But pretty much he strangled me.. .told me I was a waste of life and nothing but a fagot and the disappointment in his eyes were just unbearable... that's when I first started getting really suicidal. The first attempt was that night. I gripped my fathers fingers making him tighten his grasp around my throat. Until I finally stopped breathing, passed out. I needed to stop the bullying, stop the hate, and to stop the disappointment I caused." Kurt gasped, grabbing onto Blaine's good arm... and he didn't want to continue.

"When I woke up and got released from the hospital all my stuff at home was packed. My mom told me that I was going away, coming to here. She said that I wasn't welcome home anymore, the way her voice sounded made me want to die right then and there... she was the one person I thought actually loved me for me and she just dumped me off at some school to live at, and ever since then I cut all the time and today I did it because..."

_What am I doing_Blaine shook himself out of his state of mind. You just poured out memories, horrible memories you never shared with another soul. You are telling it to a person who you didn't want to let into your whirlwind you call your life.

"Because what?" Kurt said softly, squeezing his arm reassuringly.

"I was jealous of you and the family you have." the murmur was so soft that Kurt couldn't almost catch it. Blaine blushed and turned off onto his side.

"Yeah. It's getting late, I think maybe we should both umm just sleep, classes tomorrow fun fun fun."

"Don't forget Warbler's practice either." Kurt half smiled, getting off of the bed and crossing back over to his own.

"How could I forget." Blaine's reply was short; and they both headed off to sleep, well Blaine... not so much.

* * *

><p><em>AN: I don't know how great this chapter came out...<br>and I think I let a lot more information out in this chapter then I attended but I honestly don't think I can write another chapter like this._

I don't know how this is going to affect my writing process for the rest of the chapters..

but I hope you enjoy this chapter,  
>it took everything I had in me.<p>

xoxoxo  
>Lauren<p> 


	6. Letting You In

_AN: For full authors note go to the bottom (: _

* * *

><p><span>What Can Keep Me Holding On?<span>

_Chapter 6: Letting You In_

The soft even breathing could be heard from the other side of the room while Blaine just laid there staring into the darkness, fighting and not willing to let sleep take over. His arms burned and itched in ways that weren't in any way pleasant. The scars that are and always have battered up and down his arms were reminders of what is wrong with him; all of the sick little things that made him different than everyone else.

Blaine's eyes were getting heavy as he listened to his sleeping roommate's soft even breaths and slowly everything slipped through his head and his arms burned a lot less the moment he fell into a deep sleep.

* * *

><p><em>"Hey Blaine, Blaine!" a voice from behind him called and not just any voice Blaine noted to himself as he turned around slowly only to meet one Austin Miller, one of the most popular boys in the school...making his way towards him. The captain of the soccer team, that he himself was on. It didn't come as a shock that Austin was actually speaking to him; it just didn't happen much out of the locker room and off the field. So the way THE Austin Miller was making his way up to him with a smile on his lips made Blaine's stomach flutter nervously.<em>

_"OH-Austin, hey." he mumbled sheepishly._

_"Whatcha want?"_

_Austin simply continued smiling as a few of the football players appeared by his side._

_Blaine gulped._

_"Well I was just thinking since soccer season is almost over I'd brush up on my football skills so I'll be ready for tryouts with these fella's...but I was thinking; you've got one hell of a kick, you could play too if you know, wanted to."_

_Blaine was to be simply put, speechless. His eyes wandered from Austin to each of the football players._

_"Yeah!" a tall football player with dark skin and tight dark cornrows stated taking a step closer to Blaine wrapping his arm around his slumped shoulders._

_"and if you are good," he continued gesturing towards his friends_

_"we may actually let you try out for the team." shrugging his way out of the taller boys grasp, Blaine looked up at Jammall._

_"Really?" he asked, his voice really small and the group laughed._

_"Meet us out on the football field after school, and don't be late." another football player with a short mow hawk directed and one boy one the group started to disappear. Watching as the group left all Blaine could thin was OH MY GOD._

_The rest of the day went by in a blur for the boy, he smiled more and the glimmer of hope shined through him because seriously—he was going to spend his afternoon with the cool kids, and they actually wanted to hang out with him too._

_When the last bell of the day rang Blaine rushed out of his foods class and out of the doors. The way he held his head up high as he walked towards the field shocked him. People actually glanced in his direction smiling and laughing. Blaine like this. He could get used to it all. Then it happened._

_Out of nowhere a football player grasped his arms from behind, holding him in place._

_Blaine's smile fell and the hope that he had shattered beneath him._

_"Hey guys," the voice called, his grip getting tighter._

_"The fagot actually showed. Can you believe it?" Blaine closed his eyes tight, fighting the tears and trying to break out of the older boys grasp. A crowd rapidly formed around them. Austin and the rest of the football team in the front of them._

_"I can believe it." one of them stated, looking at Blaine in disgust._

_"Well believe it." another shouted._

_"Sha'll we show Mr. Anderson here what exactly we do to fagots?"_

_"Lets..." the rest of the team answered and Blaine's eyes shot open thrashing against the large meat head._

* * *

><p>"Blaine, Blaine—wake up." a distance voice pressed.<p>

"Stop it, stop it—just stop it." it said again, pressing his arms down. Kurt awoke from hearing his roommate thrashing and mumbling, the mumbling turned to whining and Kurt could see the other boy scratching unconsciously at his arms.

"Please." Blaine's voice choked out, broken and hoarse.

"Don't hurt me again, no...no..no." he thrashed nearly knocking Kurt off the bed.

"Blaine." Kurt called again.

"It was just a dream. Please wake up, please." Blaine's eyes opened slowly, focusing on the area around him; sweat dripping down his face. He glanced around and he was safe, he was in his dorm. He was at Dalton.

Sighing Kurt pulled Blaine into a sitting position.

"Come on, get up."  
>"W-what, why?" Blaine looked everywhere but at Kurt, nervously.<p>

"You scratched your scars and scratches open and you're bleeding again, that's why."

Swallowing a lump in his throat Blaine looked down at his arms and fought a sigh.

"You don't have to talk about it. Just get up." Kurt's words were soft and the hand tugging on his own was even softer.

Reluctantly Blaine shuffled to his feet and followed him into the bathroom.

"Take a seat." Kurt directed motioning towards the close toilet lid. Blaine listened and looked at the floor guiltily as Kurt turned around, his usual blue green eyes were darkened and hazed with deep worry.

"Blaine seriously, if this is going to become a habit; this cleaning you up after you break down thing? Because I can only handle seeing someone torn up for so long. It's pathetic." Kurt twitched at his own words just as Blaine's eyes shot up and a few tears fell down his face.

"I didn't and never asked for your help. Each time you ran to my side. YOU. CHOSE. TO. HELP." he spoke every syllable through clenched, angry teeth. But he wasn't finished.

"I can't help it if I have a nightmare and I hurt myself in my sleep so if that counts as breaking down to you haha." he laughed dryly.

"Then I'm fucking sorry, but either way I never asked you to be here, to clean my wound, to make sure I"m okay...because last time I checked I've always been through this alone, I don't need anyone beside me. I can handle myself just fine, I'm not dead...yet."

Kurt's lips turned into a frown. He's seen this before only that time it was him; shutting people out and doing things alone, that was some of his darkest times.

"Look." Kurt now sighed dropping onto his knees by Blaine.

"That last comment I said was a bitch move and I'm sorry. But if there is one thing I know sis doing things on your own can be some of the darkest times and it can be even harder if your times were always dark to begin with. I just wanted to tell you that you're not alone and I can and will help you." Kurt soothed, patting Blaine's leg.

"Really?" Blaine whispered after a few minutes in disbelief.

"Really." Kurt replied with a small smile before getting back onto his feet and grabbing the contents from the bathroom cupboards, again.

"But first lets get you cleaned up." he continued after he gathered what he needed and made his way back to Blaine, grabbing his arm and rubbing the peroxide covered cloth over his wounds. Once againe Blaine didn't flinch, he kept his big brown wide eyes ahead.

"You can talk about it—if you want." Kurt pressed softly,  
>"You can trust me—I mean you must already." Kurt half smiled looking down.<p>

"You let me see a part of you that your friends have never even seen so that must count for something."  
>Blaine blinked.<p>

"Let me be iyour/i mentor instead of you being mine." he continued as he pressed the cloth along.

"Let me help you, let me in—it's the only way things are going to get better." he finished with a hopeful whisper.

Blaine bit his lip. He couldn't believe his ears after all of this time someone wants to help and as shocking as it may sound what Kurt said clicked, he does trust him. His eyes welled up and he couldn't hold them back without even thinking Blaine clung to Kurt's waist sobbing. Kurt reacted immediately, dropping to his knees and pulling him into a hug.

"That's right." he whispered feeling Blaine's grip on him tighten as more tears were released.

"Just let it out." he continued to whisper, rubbing soothing circles onto the other boys back.

"I'm here, I'll help you. We can and will work this out." and that is a promise Kurt is going to stick with, no matter what.

"K-k-kurt." Blaine choked out through his hysteria.

"I am sorry about being so-so mean to you earlier I just didn't want you getting drug into this."

"Drug into what?" Kurt questioned, pulling back to look Blaine in the eye. Blaine looked down avoiding his gaze.

"Drug into me, I'm a mess." he sounded helpless and lost, and Kurt was amazed. Amazed that one person that can walk around like he owns a school can be so broken and shattered like this behind closed doors. Kurt felt for him. The boy had scars, but not only the scars that littered across his wrist but mental and emotional scars too. He went through a lot more than what Kurt did. Kurt can now see the torture that he tried to hide from untrained eyes. The pain, the sorrow and last but not least, the loneliness. One again, he can see himself in Blaine on he has more stories to tell; more nightmare to fear and more darkness obtained.

Kurt knows it's going to take a lot to get Blaine on track, but being there for him is one good place to start.

"Come on." Kurt gave the other boy a genuine smile, pulling him up.

"We still have a few hours of shut eye before classes start. This skin doesn't stay beautiful by itself." Blaine let out a small laugh and followed in suite.

* * *

><p><em>AN: Here is the latest chapter of What Can Keep Me Holding On, it is sort of another one of my favorites of the chapters but I'm not absolutely sure on how I feel about this story anymore; you know, like I have plenty of ideas for it and everything and I know exactly how I want it to end but right now I sort of lost interest with it; that is a problem with me as a writer I face a lot, not that I am saying that all writers go through this I'm just saying in my own perspective. Like seriously, I can't sit and write one story the whole time I have to start new projects and then go back so I can keep it fresh and not get sick of it, if you know what I mean. So I guess this is an authors note to say pretty much that I'm not abandoning this fiction just taking a hiatus to work on other multi chapter fictions I have in mind; which I actually have started on a new one today during my math class. But I want your opinion first, should I do it this way; or would you prefer if I continue with this? I want to be as interactive to you all as possible. Otherwise as always enjoy and I really hope you all like this chapter.<em>

_xoxoxo_

_Lauren_


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